“I HOPE EVERY WOMAN WHO IS FEELING INSECURE CAN CAPTURE THE SENSE OF PERSONAL ACCEPTANCE THAT MY EXPERIENCE AT BERNSTEIN PORTRAIT GAVE ME.”

This may sound obvious for those of you who are in a higher plane philosophically than I am, and maybe others figure this out much earlier in life than at 50 years old. But I am guessing that there are at least a few of you who struggle with the same things that I do when it comes to self image, self love, and self judgment. I had a revelation this week. I think I began to accept myself for who I am.

It was an eventful week, with me and my husband and six-year-old jumping on an airplane and going to Seattle for the first time together since we moved to Virginia three and a half years ago. The occasion was my early 50th birthday party. We stayed for four nights and saw as many friends as we possibly could in such a short time. 

Included in the festivities was a photo shoot that lasted about six hours. It was the full treatment: hair and makeup, mimosas, various iterations of wardrobe and poses. It was a ton of fun. With me were my mother, Sally Rose, and my best girlfriend since middle school, Gail. The shoot was at Bernstein Portrait, which is a studio run by friends of mine in Seattle. Their concept is natural light photography. So, no flash, no hot lights, just filtered natural light through sheer curtains. But it didn't stop at the production concept. There was something about the whole day that resonated with me, and with Gail, and I am guessing with my mother as well. I could see the change take place as soon as one of us began posing. The way that Darryl Bernstein managed us in front of the camera was remarkable. Gail and I compared notes later on this, and it was beautiful how comfortable we each felt.  

The reason for the photo shoot was that I wanted to capture images of my mother and me together for a future book jacket authors' shot. We are working on a tandem memoir, and since I don't get to Seattle very often, I thought I'd take the occasion of my 50th birthday party weekend to schedule the shoot with her. Having professional hair and makeup done was a splurge, so we had the shoot the same day as the party, so we'd already be made up. 

It feels shallow to admit this now, but I had been stressing for weeks about losing weight for the photo shoot and for the party, mad at myself for having put on about 15 pounds since I got to my skinny Weight Watchers success story level a couple of years ago. At some point within the couple of weeks leading up to the trip, I'd had to accept the fact that I wasn't going to reach my goal. I felt defeated. I have always been able to reach goals when I set my mind to something. I consoled myself by reminding myself that my knee had gone out and I hadn't been able to go running in five or six weeks.  

I am so grateful to my best friend Gail for understanding my vanity without judgment. She said that she felt the same way. When I asked her if she wanted to join us in the photo shoot, have the glam hair and makeup treatment and have both individual shots and shots with both of us together, she almost didn't do it, saying she wished she could lose some weight first. But she said "yes."   

- Laura T., Bernstein Portrait Client